FALLS CREEK MA BOIII

Today was pretty grand!
Steve's uncle is a great host and is generous to the point where I'm planning on how to thank him. But there's one thing that i don't like, and that's these damn mountain roads.

Forget needing to poop, i needed a new....body. God damn I've never felt more carsick in my life.

Soooooo the trip was to Falls creek err which is...hmm

Like... there? Maybe?
About there, give or take a few pixels of awesome PAINT mapping.

The road is like it was created by your drunk uncle chasing some 18 year old ass at a wedding reception, on the way i managed to not hurl. Which was good...i guess. Lilly wasn't so impressed, i think the pressure stuff that makes your ears pop annoyed her, and who knows maybe she was carsick too?

Wouldn't blame her.

I wish I'd been able to take more photos of the trip... there was a absolutely gorgeous town in the basin of the mountains with European trees and set right on the river, my god. But you know, the choice was fiddle with the digicam and possibly hurl all over myself or you know...not hurling.

So i took a couple pictures while we were stuck behind a truck instead, I'm sorry they're pretty shitty.

Just kidding, I'm not sorry, fucking appreciate it bitch!!!

So yeah that's like, a inch from the road, you miscalculate and you go for a nice ride a few thousand meters down.

NICE.

Naw but it'd be pretty if you didn't have the sickness...i guess. Even remembering it now i get that twist in my belly... URGH.

At allllmost the top of all this is Falls Creek.
Its kind of beautiful in a creepy way since the bushfire's 3/4 years ago left all the trees dead and a brilliant white, unable to recover because they were within the snow line, so the peak is now constantly white...and...sharp? I'm probably one of the very few people that think a bunch of dead things could possibly hold any beauty, but there you go. We had lunch at a ski lounge there, i wont lie the food was below average, but i guess I'm fussy since i cook myself.

The picture of the dead trees i took as you can see isn't great looking and could even pass for shrubs for the shitty focus i used, its a shame because you could get some amazing pictures of them I'm sure, but i swear ill never go up there again unless i find a remedy to the car sickness.

After lunch we were taken to the top of the mountain, which if you have a 4wheel drive is accessible without hiking, just you know....fucking terrifying. Luckily i felt too queasy to care, at times the way i slumped in my seat the seat belt would lock up and half choke me and id hope id pass out.
However, the view from the top was pretty special so I'm glad i didn't!

In case you're wondering it was really rather warm up there, she just enjoys hats and coats...but not shoes. After these pictures we encouraged her into some boots and we walked around the top of this mountain, and sadly my cameras batts died before i could get anymore photos, so of course me being me i start looking at rocks. Maybe id find a cool one to take home.
I found some quartz and diamondy shiny things, pretty amazing. I could go to a jewelry place and have the stones cut out and used too, which...yeah i think I'll do that actually.
Here's a pic i took of em when i got home and charged my cam

I'm obviously talking about the Quartz by the way, the shiny rocks are just...shiny...rocks. As far as i know. You can tell in this photo but in the sun they sparkle like diamonds which is pretty bad ass as far as rocks go.

I wont lie, the drive home was hideous. I brought up the lunch id had, twice. And smelt like a old sick dog by the end of it. So gross.

I have some travel sickness tablets for tomorrow, fingers crossed they actually work, because i have 30Min's more of this torture coming up.

Holiday!!!!!

Over packing is what I'm best at, 1 huge suitcase, 3 medium bags and about 3 smaller ones. The bathroom supplies themselves were in one huge bag, to be honest
I have no idea how it all fit, but it did.....kinda.
Steve packed the xbox just in case we were robbed, the most valued item in our home is a gaming console... ?!
Couldn't help but wish we'd left it at home to distract a thief from my antique geisha doll... Then again petty thieves are stupid, so I'll hang my hopes on them having no idea whats valuable..

Crap.
I knew he should have let me pack up the entire house!!

A few minutes from home or rather 7 or so Beatles hits later, there was charred hills and mountains and burnt out trees. Couldn't help but cringe when we saw little homes surrounded by charred earth and black trunked trees. Even the plants in the nature strip on the highway were mostly black. It was almost beautiful with red and orange autumn leaves decorated with black and white and a sprinkle of fresh new green.

I tried to take photos but i was too busy staring or taking pictures of my... hands, and i maintain it was on purpose.

Whats more awesome than bushfire's??

The toilets in a small pullover we stopped at, That's what.
For some reason i had the urge to take my camera in with me;
( weird i know but how can you read this blog and not already expect it ) What can i say, i struck gold when i closed the door and saw this
In case you need help
"Guy seeks Descrete Meets Leave Details"
I think its safe to say thats you know you've hit rock bottom when you're looking for sex at a backwater country female public toilet.
But hey, you gotta at least appreciate the fact the guy used his best handwriting and even spelt everything correctly...

So after i took the picture, laughing at the stupidity of it.
I realized.....there was a reply.

"Shannon is interested. Game if you are! CALL ME - 043264- Like to give and get head"

I apologize for the flash flare, for those
who wanted that entire phone number and I'm sure there are many, but there was a woman in the stall next to me and my digital camera isn't quiet at all, so as i took happy snaps in the public toilets at some point i encountered shame enough to try and at least not take a long time with my being perverted.
That being said... Maybe
I'm not in touch with the dating scene nowadays, or maybe Ive just found out where bogans come from.
Either way, I'm pretty sure I'm calling Shannon tonight, she/he sounds like a quality....person, especially if hes a guy, and is using female toilets.

The rest of the trip was amazing, the hills turned into mountains and they just got bigger and more beautiful. Of course i was the only one who really cared and the kid wasn't pleased at all after the third or so hour, and so "Bear" was fed some bottled water, thus earning a wind blowing.
Wind blowing you ask? Oh its nothing, just me looking like a massive tool as i held a fluro pink care bear by the neck and hung it out the window while the 110 kilometer wind "dried" it.
Oh right 110 km, what the hell is that? What douche decides its now safe to add ten km to the speed limit, and why only 10? Why even bother? Is 100 just not good enough now? Have to go that extra 10 for the massive adrenaline rush, nothing says bad ass like driving 110 I'm sure. 100? Pffft, you pussy.

I know i already said the trip was beautiful, but until you've made the trip here you cant understand just why saying it once isn't enough.

Photos can only do so much, but im sure i spent a good portion of my time snapping up pictures. I'm shocked the batteries aren't flat..

Eventually we started getting into towns, each one prettier and more quaint than the next.
The streets are lined with red, yellow and green trees forming huge canopies over the roads, the shops are all tiny and painted in the same colour scheme, dark green and Autumn colours to reflect the beautiful nature they re built into.
It was seriously surreal, almost like you'd stepped into a movie, everything was so....perfect. Hoping to stop and have a coffee at some of these places so i can photograph just how amazing it is.
In the meantime you'll have to make do with these in-the-car pictures. Not bad considering i had a open laptop with directions on my lap =)

The road into Mt Beauty reminds me of The Great Ocean Road, only...if TGOR had a older brother who worked out... yeah that'd be this road. The turns were not only insane but elevated so that your entire body moved with the car.
Beautiful...but scary as hell. Parts of the road had less than a inch around them before a drop so steep i couldn't even see the bottom. Glad i don't drive... Steve enjoyed it though, as did Lilly.
Me? Well it made me need to poop.
Ha! Poop or hurl, i couldn't decide which i wanted to do more. The reward of the lookout however was well worth it.
The picture certainly doesn't do it justice, but i was being rushed baby and fiance weren't so Kean on stopping so close to our destination.

There is video, however its mangled with audio of me stumbling around and telling them ILL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.
Somehow i don't think this will mirror the imagery.

SO lets finally get down to the place were staying.
I wasn't expecting a lot i guess, but even i had been, nothing...Nothing i could have dreamt up would be more amazing than this. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Yeah.... Lounge room. This is one of three ceiling to wall windows that look out onto the Mountains.
These were taken on the back Patio. Only two steps or so from the doorway in case you think i zoomed in on those Mountains or walked closer...I didn't.
Can you imagine how beautiful this must be when it snows?!




The whole trip overall so far has been fairly smooth. Of all bags to forget, i forgot to pack our toiletries bag...which sucks because all my hair products and straighteners were inside.
So if you wanted pictures of me... Good luck with that. I don't even have make up, or my normal moisturizer, i know i know. Princess syndrome, but you try having kids and being naturally beautiful!!

So all up this is day One.
Tomorrow we trek over to Falls Creek.
Updates coming =)

xxx

Holiday or Holi-Hell?

When the prospect of a holiday with my fiance and my baby came up, the picturesque ideas that popped into my head certainly didn't include his uncle lurking around, dragging us around sightseeing.
Please don't misunderstand, i appreciate the gesture, but i can think of about a million things id rather do than spend half my holiday with smalltalk, awkward conversation and trying not to notice the fact that this man is talking to my chest.
Gross.
Not to mention my fiance doesn't understand why I'm upset at all, he thinks I'm being ridiculous. I don't think its too much to ask for time together alone, god knows our relationship needs it.
The romantic thoughts i had dreamed up replaced by small talk with the uncle and being dragged around from place to place by a man who doesn't understand small children too well. (Oh god the tantrums)

I guess if we want a decent holiday we'll have to save up and do it all ourselves.
Sigh.

SNAP

So last week, around Wednesday night or so. After another night of waking up screaming, unable to go back to sleep and laying in bed wondering if i wanted to fall asleep again or not. I finally decided enough was enough.
The weekend before, My fiance had suggested that i find some kind of faith. That i needed something, anything to believe in. Being a atheist was driving me crazy... literally.
In the past i had been extremely religious. Not entirely sure how or why... but i lost that faith and became extremely cynical and bitter. So i jumped out of bed and decided it was time to at revisit religion.



At the very least it would be a interesting experience right? I love documentaries and history so if nothing it'd just be something id enjoy researching. I jumped online and typed CHURCH WATSONIA MELBOURNE into google after deciding i didn't know if a church was a business or not so white or yellow pages?? To hard, just use google i thought. Luckily for me, it worked out pretty well and a list of churches near me popped up.


I immediately remembered things my mum had told me about specific churches, how kings had altered the way things were to suit themselves and how some didn't believe in certain aspects, so i picked the one with the least offense name. One that was simple, and didn't seem to have some kind of twisted background.





Simply the church of Jesus Christ. http://www.livingfaithchurch.org.au/index.html


That works right?
So after i looked through the website, i felt id picked the right place to pick up where i left off again, but i still felt... intrusive, so i emailed the contact with a basic outline of who i was and why i wanted to be a part of this church, if only for a while.


Well a couple days passed and after watching my email like a hawk i didn't get a reply. Trying not to be discouraged, and trying not to think id been rejected i decided id go and attend a service of worship anyway.

My worries seemed to build up like a huge wall, i was mostly excited but the nervous part of me nagged away. What if i had to introduce myself? What if it was far too modern and i didn't enjoy it? What if the people were cold and spiteful? What if i was supposed to speak to someone before i just showed up?

The moment i walked into the worship room, almost all my worries just fell away. It was beautiful. The roof was slanted so that the back of the room where the speakers were there was simply one stained triangle glass work of Jesus ( i suppose ) and it made a gorgeous stage. The seats were original pews made of wood with cushions on them so you wouldn't get a numb butt. It wasn't just a semi circle of plastic school chairs that id been dreading.


The people, well. The people were possibly the friendliest people id met .... well ever. And they all knew each other by first name, even though there was easily 100 or so people.
Funnily enough, the service seemed to suit my first time and even address issues id had, Such as being too concerned about what a church was like, based on its interior and exterior. About being a part of a church community and not just attending alone and leaving alone. Part was on anger, which i have struggled with my entire life, as it turns out even Jesus has been angry and thrown fits ( EPIC ONES AT THAT) and about taking what we gain from church and living that all week, not just on Sundays, appreciating life itself everyday.





After the service the older couple next to me introduced themselves and i signed a guest book, i met more older people, who were all thrilled to see me and a woman did profess shed love to come and visit me. Which, shocked me a little and on reflection I'm sure it showed in my face.
Although it was wonderful to meet such amazing people i opted to avoid the morning tea, awkward conversations and small talk aren't my forte. And after making my way out of a happy bustling self introducing crowd i walked outside into some beautiful sunshine when it had been stormy and raining when id entered.


And for the first time in months....years. I felt at peace.


Although i walk in the valley in the shadow of death... i finally understood that phrase, and i knew its truth.


My fear, my gripping twisting crippling holding fear of death finally lost its grip on me.


A part of me returned.









Today was a little harder. Id fallen into my usual trap of letting my toddler run my day, and had let the house get messed up and not continued my cleanup -
( who knew 1 man and a 2 year old could make so much mess?!) - Id just gotten Lilly down for her lap at around 1, i was barely dressed and looked repulsive and the house well... when my doorbell rang. Thinking it was most likely the post man but in the back of my mind hoping it wasn't the lady from church i answered the door coughing and hugging my dressing gown to me.
A usual reaction when people come calling and i just haven't gotten a grip on my day.



To my absolute horror, it wasn't the woman from church.... it was the Pastor. The head guy, the...the..

URGH.
I had things piled up near the door and the gardens hadn't been weeded ( Anyone know a gardener who ISNT retarded?! )
The worst part was how kind he was, I'll pray for you he says... Like i wasn't in enough trouble for lying to a priest as it was, now he was gunna report to the head guy and lie to him through me... what a great start to my religious endeavors.



So of course he wishes me the best and hopes to see me well again soon. A flush of relief that he didn't ask to come inside washes through me, followed by the worst guilt Ive ever felt in my life.

Now Ive been known for a fantastic...twister of the truth ( ha ha ) all my life. And ill be the first to admit, Ive almost never felt guilty for doing so. But this...was so unbearable. I threw myself on the couch and simply wallowed in it, i didn't know if i wanted to cry or not and my chest felt like it was going to explode.

I don't get very many social calls, my close family are miles away. Some of my best friends are hours away, some even states apart. This man...no this important head of a community i never thought i could possibly be part of went out of his way to see me and thank ME?

After a few minutes of self hatred, sighing i went and pulled some decent clothes on, and picked up where id left off with the housework after a quick prayer, clearly one is needed to ask forgiveness if you just lied to a priest.
And it had done its job, shortly after i asked the big guy to forgive me for being a hideous person i felt calmer, calm enough to pick up a broom and get to work.



Starting with the front room, where I'm sure he'd seen the crap piled up, i pulled the curtain back to sweep up and a tiny white thing caught my eye.

A moth? Poor thing, its trapped....no hang on its dead?
But as i picked it up gently by the wing and inspected it i saw it was absolutely perfect. Not a tear of the wings which were as smooth as silk, and white, pure white with a tiny black dot on the bottom of each wing, two perfect bug eyes, antenna only slightly bent all its little legs pulled up close to its body even the perfect little ruff of hair on his back.

I'm no expert on signs or miracles and i don't think ill ever find a Mary or Jesus in a candy bar but i thought it was a pretty special thing and it made me forget every bad feeling i had as i gently placed it in one of my jewelery draws.



Maybe this religion thing will work out after all.




...Meanwhile this site is being a ass and wont let me post any fucking pictures, so im sorry for the lack of break up and boring wall of text.

Lets play operation!!

SO we finally got the letter not long ago. My surgery will be on the 23rd of this month... Urgh, i would be lying if i said i wasn't shitting myself.
If i could stay awake for it? Sure no problem! But general anesthetic? Fuck it, i hate sleeping enough as it is.

What am i having... ?

Its called a "Hysteroscopy" Basically they jam a big old camera up my vagina, and then document what they see, Im also having whats refereed to as a "Curate" which means they scrape off the walls of my Uterus.

All pretty medicore stuff as far as things ive been through go. But a forced sleep? Thats by far my WORST nightmare.
When i sleep normally i dream of a blackness lately, where i dont feel hear or see anything, just black like death and then i gasp and wake up screaming trying to escape it.
So what happens when i have this dream while im under and i cant wake up?

WONT THAT BE FUN

Last night i tried to stay in this blackness so i knew what i was up for, i last about half a minute before i woke up tearing at my face and hair. So its safe to say im not looking forward to it.

PARTY TIEM

Parties are such a pain to host.
Dont get me wrong, its fun once they re in swing and i usually dont regret throwing them. But the planning... and the cleaning! OH GOD THE CLEANING.
We have a fairly small house too, and a lot of friends... so its always overcrowded, especially when we have a party where over half of our buddies are staying the night.

My kids second birthday was a tight fit, and we only had about 12 people in the house at one time... maybe a couple more. But yeah, even though we have 2 couches 4 armchairs and a dining room... ( tiny! argh! ) its not really enough. Fiance tells me the max we'll be having is 20 people... 20! FUUUUUCK! And he promised a free breakfast!
Dont get me wrong, i adore showing off my cooking, im more concerned about COST. Ew... not to mention...where are these people gunna sleep?! We have hardwood floors, so itl be a uncomfortable sleepover thats for sure, unless i figure something out..... I was pondering on buying some big old cushions from Spotlight or something... How painful.

Then again, we'll all be drunk as fuck, so i doubt were gunna care where we sleep...

The other issue is my self confidence. Ever since i got sick i haven't felt like myself, and until im a fitness freak again i doubt ill feel myself for a while. Its embarrassing for me for friends to see me ill like this even though they couldn't care less. How shallow hahaha.

Oh well - BRB WASHING THE WALLS - ( lolwut )

Holiday Cont.

Im more or less putting dates and places here for myself to remember.... Sad sad Brain. =P

April 4th - 11th
Mount Beauty